


Sleeping

by SecondSilk



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M, post-GoF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-13
Updated: 2010-07-13
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondSilk/pseuds/SecondSilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius drinks coffee so he doesn't forget to not remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleeping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aillil](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=aillil).



> Beta-ed by Red_Squared

Remus thought that maybe Sirius had been drinking. But on his return to number twelve Grimmauld Place, when he found Sirius nursing a mug between his hands while he stared in the drawing room fire, the mug contained coffee. Remus carefully pulled the china from Sirius's absentminded grasp and sniffed it; burnt lukewarm coffee, instead of the firewhiskey he expected. Remus frowned. It had taken them about three weeks to be able to interpret each other's unspoken thoughts again; Sirius's response to Remus's dismay was a half-hearted shrug.

Remus didn't interrupt Sirius's quiet musings; he was too tired from his own travel to force a conversation or offer any sort of comfort. He went, instead, to brew more drinkable coffee.

Sirius hadn't moved by the time Remus returned with a pot of coffee and a small bottle of Special Coffee Crème—"guaranteed to make your night one you'll never remember". Sirius accepted the coffee gratefully, but shook his head when Remus offered the alcoholic addition. Remus poured a drop into his own mug, swirling it to mix it through. He waited for Sirius to speak.

"I forget," he said, nodding at the bottle of Crème. "If I drink, I forget not to remember. James and Peter and Marlene and Gideon and Lily, they're all there."

"Is remembering so bad?" Remus asked quietly.

Remus sometimes wished himself into the past. Things had been tense between him and his friends, and a patina of grief had stained everything after the Prewetts' funerals. But times had been more straightforward than now, protecting James's son from his own awful destiny.

But the look that Sirius shot him showed nothing of that, showed nothing but scorn, derision. 'How dare you?' he seemed to ask. But Remus had always dared such things, especially with Sirius. He just watched carefully as Sirius tempered the sudden burst of violence in his expression and took a sip of coffee. Remus reached out a hand and laid it on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius shrugged him off, looking at the fire instead of his friend.

"What I did to you…" he said. "Everything I did to you, that's what haunts me. I forget that you're here, real, that you can– all that."

Sirius said it all as if it were complete sentences, and Remus nodded as though he understood. He reached out again, and this time Sirius let him rest his hand on his shoulder.

"I am here, Sirius," Remus said.

Sirius nodded, still not looking at him.

It wasn't really a time for words, and there were no arguments to be had, so Remus sat silently, too. He sipped his coffee and ran his hand back over Sirius's shoulder, feeling his friend relax into his touch.

The flames died down, the logs crumbled, and even the coals began to cool before Sirius finished his coffee and sighed. Remus blinked back the harsh prickle of tears and set his mug carefully on the side table. He ran his hand down Sirius's arm to wrap his fingers around Sirius's wrist in a carefully lose grip.

"Come on, Padfoot, bed."

Sirius allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and let him away. His step was instinctually light as they climbed the stairs to Sirius's bedroom. A judicious search on Remus's part had told him that this had been Regulus's boyhood room. Remus still hadn't the courage to ask Sirius why he chose to surround himself with Slytherin memorabilia. Sirius tugged himself free of Remus's grip to close the door behind them. Seeing something drop from Sirius's face, Remus thought he might understand. Whatever had happened to them at school, Sirius and Regulus had been close. This was the only part of the house where someone else had loved Sirius.

Remus blinked again. Sirius didn't look any different in the light of the Eternal Candle beside the bed. But the air between them was softer. It was easier for Remus to reach for him, again, to draw him into a gentle hug, wrapping his arms close around his friend.

They fitted together better than they had as boys. Remus was taller and Sirius was skinnier. Sirius leant his chin on Remus's shoulder, Remus pressed his cheek to Sirius, breathing in and out against the hair at the nape of his neck.

Sirius drew a deep breath, arms tightening around Remus and not letting go. Remus ran his hands over Sirius's back, firm strokes smoothing the muscles until Sirius breathed out shakily, the closest he would come to tears.

When Remus turned his head to speak, his lips brushed Sirius's cheek.

"I can stay with you, Padfoot," he said.

Sirius pulled back then, far enough to focus sharply on Remus's face. Remus didn't let him go completely. His arms fell around Sirius's waist, but he raised one hand to rest on Sirius's shoulder

"Whatever you need, I'll be here."

Remus did not need Sirius explain what he wanted and Sirius would not have been able to say the words out loud, so he let the silence fall softly around them. Sirius ran his tongue over his top lip, and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. The perfect picture of the eleven year old who had had no idea what he was doing. Remus squeezed Sirius's shoulder gently. Sirius nodded and finally pulled away.

There were clothes enough in the dresser for the both of them to sleep comfortably. Sirius went to clean his teeth with careful deliberation. Remus went next, remembering the week the four of them had spent with James's parents in a tiny house in Bath and the careful roster for use of the bathroom. When he came back, Sirius was already curled up on his side of the bed, snoring, the covers drawn back for Remus to climb in beside him.

Remus was too tired to chuckle at the sight, but it warmed him better than alcohol or burning wood. Remus climbed into bed, resettled the covers over them and watched the steady rise and fall of Sirius's chest until he fell asleep.


End file.
